T-minus 10 minutes till the NBA draft is up and running. We're hoping you join us here at Moondog Landing for the duration of the event.
Soon we'll all know.
7:13 p.m. WHO THE HELL ARE WE TAKING? ESPN is screaming about all three of the prospects. Wiggins's suit is either fly as hell or kitsch as fuck, depending on your perspective. Parker has a traditional, classy Mad Men suit---with a flower pinned to it. Embiid is in a hospital bed.
And again, WHO THE HELL ARE WE TAKING?
7:33 p.m.---Adam Silver comes out and I already miss David Stern. Silver looks like a muted Breaking Bad villain. Boo birds start immediately. Silver is tripping over his own words.
Five minutes on the clock. Here we go.
7:37---First mention of building the team to attract LeBron James. That taint will haunt Cleveland until James retires. I hate it. You should too. Build the best team you can.
7:40---Pick is in. PICK IS IN! Pick is in? THE GOD DAMN PICK IS IN! For some reason I'm still listening to Jalen Rose talking about Dante Exum.
The prophesy has come true. Andrew Wiggins is a Cleveland Cavalier. He joins two Canadian teammates, Anthony Bennett and Tristan Thompson.
There will still be concerns about Wiggins's offensive potential. We'll see.
Also, we may not keep Wiggins.
7:44---Wiggins and his suit are doing their post-selection interview. The Canadian boy is near tears. It's sort of adorable.
7:47---Parker to Milwaukee is finally official. The near-hometown kid will be expected to instantly rejuvenate that offense and that franchise. The Bucks situation will be very similar to Duke for Parker, in that there will be very little talent around him. ESPN is already calling him the face of the Bucks.
No pressure kid.
7:54---Joel Embiid to Philly. ESPN shows a reaction shot in Embiid's house. He looks DEVASTATED (and potentially drugged out from his surgery). If that was his actual reaction, then Philly fans cannot be enthusiastic about that pick.
Hey Sixers fans? Remember that Nerlens Noel season? When he didn't play at all? Ready to do it again?
7:59---Gilbert tweeted a welcome message to Wiggins. We're probably keeping him, right? I'm going with yes. Trotting out an impressive and athletic front court next season.
8:00---Gordon gets snagged fourth. Bit of a reach here, according to all of the mock drafts on the internet. But he is a dynamic athlete, a solid defender and he has room to grow. That said, his jump shot is definitely lacking.
Orlando badly needs a franchise guy. I don't think Gordon is that guy. He is a safer pick than Dante Exum but what do you do with Nicholas Vucecvic, Tobias Harris, and Andrew Nicholson?
My guess is Exum goes fifth to Utah.
8:06---Exum it is.
This will be an interesting fit. Burke will likely remain the point guard for the team, which means the Jazz will have to move either Burks or Hayward. Hayward is a RFA and could be a premium target for a number of teams.
That said, the Jazz are hungry for a superstar-caliber player and they don't currently have that on their roster. This roster reminds me of Houston pre-Harden: a lot of promising prospects and medium-valued assets, no clear superstar. Houston turned that into Harden and Howard and maybe more. The Jazz could also become Atlanta. A lot of prized prospects, no clear superstar, no shot at becoming anything more than a mid-tier playoff contender.
8:11---Boston has yet to pick. I'm predicting Marcus Smart. I'm sure everyone else is.
8:13---Brad has almost finished his first beer and he's reading Twitter predictions to me.
Everyone predicted Smart to Boston apparently. This pick raises other questions for the Celtics, though.
How do Smart and Rondo coexist? They probably don't. Presumably the Celtics will move their longtime PG. I'm not sure who will take him. He seemed destined for Minnesota before the T-Wolves fell in love with Klay Thompson.
Smart is a hell of a competitor. I saw a lot of him in the Big 12 Conference. Brad Stephens is a great coach and I'm a little scared of what he'll be able to do with Smart.
8:17---Randle to the Lakers.
This move makes a ton of sense. Gasol is departing. The Lakers need immediate impact, scoring, rebounding and some semblance of star power. He uses a lot of physical tools to bruise his way towards the rim. Brad says Randle is a bit like a shorter Bynum. He'll bring a lot of the same assets to the table. I think he's a bit more like Zach Randolph.
This is a lunch pale guy, which feels odd to write about a Los Angeles Laker draft pick.
8:20---Randle has venom in his eyes during his post-pick interview. He marches off the stage and told everyone that "All the teams that passed on me will regret it."
He'll fit in with the Los Angeles crowd just fine.
8:24---Not Stauskus. Not the Kings. God damn it. I wanted him. If not Cleveland, maybe Phoenix. Damn it.
8:25---My actual reaction:
8:29---There he goes. Vonleh to Charlotte.
Good potential fit. Also big bust potential. Vonleh is an advanced stats wunderkid and a potential stretch 4. He'll space the floor for Big Al and MGK.
The comparisons to LaMarcus Aldrige is bogus. Vonleh is a nice midrange knock down shooter but he is not a three point specialist (which is how they're billing him for some reason). He also has some amazing physical skills (they just showed his insane bear paws).
8:33---ESPN has an interview with David Griffin, the Cavs GM. He says that most of the trade rumors we heard about prior to the draft were inaccurate, aka BULLSHIT (he then glared at the reporter---I think he wanted to fight him. I love Griffin).
He says Wiggins is motivated, has a great work ethic and could be a devastating defender.
When asked what he thought about Wiggins' suit, Griffin says that when he saw it he had second thoughts about drafting him.
8:36---Elfrid Payton to Philly.
Lends some credence to the trade rumors circling around Michael Carter-Williams.
Don't know much about Payton. I have heard that he reminds folks of Gary Payton. That seems like high, high praise. Comparisons to the Glove shouldn't be handed out willy-nilly.
8:40---Twitter is already saying Elfrid Payton could be moved. Carter-Williams sounded devastated. One of those two guards is getting traded.
8:42---Brad's dog farted. It's rank. Fuck.
8:42---I'm on the phone with my agent trying to get traded to an apartment with 75 percent less shitting dogs.
8:43---Doug McDermott is going to Denver. He's the fifth leading scorer in NCAA history...he's a good shooter...oh fuck. Who can think with a rotting fish market in their nostrils?
Dougie McBuckets joins a slightly above average roster in Denver. I wonder how many minutes he gets out of the gate. That's a crowded roster of potential shooters: Wilson Chandler, Gallinari.
8:45---McDermott could be traded to Chicago. That's a Twitter rumor.
8:49---McDermott to Chicago is official. He could fill Boozer's role nicely.
8:50---The ESPN poll says that most people believe Parker will have the best career of all the top-five picks. He beat Wiggins by nearly 15 percent. You people believe he's actually 15 percent better than Wiggins? Really?
8:51---Dario Saric drafted. Rumors already flying that he will be shipped to Philadelphia for Elfrid Payton.
What the hell is Sam Hinkie doing? (You know, if that's true.)
8:53---ESPN commentator said Saric is a stretch four that can't hit the long ball.
If you can't hit the three, are you a stretch four?
WHAT THE HELL IS A STRETCH FOUR?
8:55---Zach LaVine heads to Minnesota. As soon as they announce the pick he mouths "Fuck Me."
That's where the T-Wolves are right now. The project player from UCLA that should just be happy to get drafted is mouthing "Fuck me" when he gets selected to Minnesota. Enjoy the snow, LaVine!
8:58---Second mention of LeBron coming to Cleveland. This time it comes tagged to a Kevin Love rumor. None of that is happening, fucking stop it (alternatively DRINK!)
Also, Sam Hinkie has drafted two guys that will not play for his disaster of a basketball team next year. I'm sorry Philadelphia. I really, truly am.
9:03--TJ Warren to Phoenix. Could be a great fit. He's a solid midrange scorer. Solid low block guy. Good finisher. But I'm wondering what he brings to the table that the Morris twins don't.
Also, the Sixers will take the floor next year with the same roster that went 4-32. The only change will be Nerlens Noel. THINK ABOUT THAT.
GOD DAMN IT HINKIE.
9:05---This exists. Thank you Zach LaVine and thank you Vine.
"Hey Zach, you just got drafted to the Timberwolves? How do you feel?"
(Vine courtesy of---@TheSportsVines and Anthony Slater)
With Milsap on the roster, this is either an insurance move or a sign that someone is getting traded.
9:16---Heartwarming moment. The NBA drafts Isiah Austin and he gets a standing O from the ice cold New York crowd. Good moment, sad day. All the best to Austin.
9:20---Jusuf Nurkic---Chicago technically drafts Nurkic but this pick is made for Denver as part of the McDermott trade. Nurkic looks agile in some of these clips. The ESPN commentator says he has some "WWE in him." I do not know what this means. Maybe he runs to the court during introductions, does a lap around the court and then shakes the padding on the base of the hoop.
In fact, below is footage of Nurkic arriving for one of his most recent games:
9:26---Celtics select James Young with the 17th pick.
I really like this selection. Young is a terrific player. He can score. He's a lefty. He could have been taken in the top-15. Good athlete. The Celtics are having an extremely good draft, though I'm still wondering what they do with Rondo.
9:32---The Phoenix Suns select Tyler Ennis. Hey, hey, hey!
I'm a big Ennis fan. I got to see him live (from the nosebleeds). He's a clutch player, a cool and confident point guard. I'm a big fan. He's a true, prototypical point guard. That said, his shot is much better from the left side of the hoop; something he'll need to adjust at the next level.
ESPN compares him to DJ Augustin. Dumb comparison. Not correct. Closer to Kirk Hinrich if we're talking about Bulls' point guards.
For the Suns, this means that Bledsoe is closer to gone than he was five minutes ago. That's sad news for a reborn Phoenix team that was built around Goran Dragic and the uber-athletic Bledsoe. Interesting to see where they go from here.
9:36---Gary Harris is finally off the board. Chicago is sending him to Denver, if that trade goes through. Harris is a solid prospect with some warranted Bradley Beal comparisons.
9:38---Ennis is off the board. The Raptors might lean Napier but could go Hood as well (even thought they're loaded on the wing).
9:45---Our first WHO THE FUCK? moment.
Bruno Caboclo from Brazil just got drafted by the Raptors. ESPN is calling it a swing for the fences pick. Another way to look at this is--WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? WHY THE FUCK DID THE RAPTORS DRAFT YOU?
Bold move. Probably a very dumb move. But points for boldness.
9:47---Brad and I are doing research on Caboclo.
....We can confirm that he plays basketball. He appears to be Brazilian.
We can also confirm that they passed on Napier and Rodney Hood with that pick. I don't get it.
9:51---Goodbye Kendrick Perkins!
Mitch McGary is going to Oklahoma City. McGary, when healthy, can run the floor. He's a solid passer, solid rebounder, solid defender, solid player.
It's a little bit of a reach here (we had him pegged as a potential second-round pick for the Cleveland Cavaliers) but I get the selection.
9:54---Grizzlies just had Rodney Hood fall into their lap. They absolutely should pick him.
9:58---Grizzlies selected Jordan Adams, the SG from UCLA. Hood continues to slide and slide, there must be something that these GMs know that we don't.
That's not a shot at Adams. He's an analytics darling and might be able to fit in that Memphis offensive set with Randolph and Gasol. But man. What's going on with Hood and Napier?
10:03---The Jazz end Hood's mini-slide. Pretty nice haul for Utah tonight. Does make you wonder if Hayward will be leaving in the off-season.
10:06---Real possibility: Houston drafts Napier at 25, to spite the Heat. Trade Lin before the season begins. Miami continues to slip and slide.
10:07---Napier goes to Charlotte to join Kemba.
I don't get it. Didn't we all agree that Napier's closest NBA comparison was Kemba Walker? So the team that's starting Walker decided to get his clone?
This has to be a pick made for someone else, most likely the Heat. Miami is apparently enamored with Napier (read: LeBron James is enamored with Napier).
10:12---Reported that Napier is going to the Heat. Too easy to call.
10:14---Clint Capela from Switzerland to Houston. Bill Simmons called it. Houston wants to preserve their cap space and not allow draft picks to gobble it up. Capela can stay in Switzerland and not eat up any of that precious cap.
10:19---P.J. Hairston from North Carolina will go to Charlotte. He was suspended from UNC because of NCAA violations. He went to the D-League and tore it up. He could fit well in Charlotte.
10:21---I'm starting to fade. I haven't slept properly in a couple of days and draft fatigue is creeping in. I need something to wake me up. Maybe Brad's dog can fart again.
10:26---Phoenix's second pick is in. Bogdan Bogdanovic from Serbia just got drafted. Best name in the draft. By far. No one else is close.
When your last name is 75 percent the same as your first name, you are either the child of idiots or Serbian. Bogdan BOGDANOVIC is the latter.
From a ball standpoint, he's a jack-of-all-aces, master of none. He's a Swiss army knife for the Suns multi-tooled offensive set. I like the way they're drafting.
10:32---Clippers select C.J. Wilcox the SG from Washington. He's a shooter. That's what I have for you. I'm tired. Google him or something.
Fine. He's got good wingspan. Decent defender. Great free throw shooter. But let's be clear, Wilcox is a specialist---and his specialty is shooting. Not sure how he fits on a Clippers roster that is alreay overflowing with shooting guards.
10:38---Josh Huestis from Stanford goes here. Not Cleanthony Early. Stupid. I get that the Thunder want to replace Sefolosha, but damn it. Just take Early.
10:46---Spurs snag Kyle Anderson because of course they do. Anderson is versatile. He passes well. He shoots well. Has that point forward label that sometimes gets thrown around.
10:51---Here's the deal. The first round is over. I'm exhausted. I will bring you analysis on the second Cavs pick. Other than that, you're on your own. Forgive me.
11:07---Joe Harris. He's a shooter. Everyone go to bed.